How to Understand Diaper Lovers & the ABDL Community (2024)

Co-authored byTrudi Griffin, LPC, MSand Dan Hickey

Last Updated: September 24, 2024Fact Checked

Why do some adults love diapers?

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   Understand the tendencies of diaper lovers. One study examined adults who wore diapers and discovered that most individuals who like to wear diapers or engage in adult infant behavior began to express these desires in early adolescence, around age 11 or 12 and have been engaging in the behavior for many years.^[1]

   • Most diaper lovers are male, employed, and in their mid-30s.^[2]
   • More men than women engage in diaper behaviors, such as wearing a diaper, wetting, and messing in the diaper.^[3]
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   Realize that many diaper lovers (DLs) currently or formerly had issues with incontinence. Some individuals begin to wear adult diapers when they start to have problems with uncontrolled accidents. As a result, they had to wear diapers, and over time, grew to like some aspects of them.

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   Look at personal history. Some studies have shown that adults who participate in infant behaviors and diapering may have a history that includes childhood sexual abuse and/or gender nonconformity.^[4] Some individuals express a different gender than the one assigned at birth (such as preferring to be referred to as female when assigned male). Some individuals involved in diapering express genderfluidity.^[5]

   • It’s important not to judge people on their past or for the way they express themselves now, even if they make choices you would not make.
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   Accept that not every adult diaper lover prefers to act like a baby. While some DLs like to live an infant lifestyle, not all do. Some use diapers to relax, to feel comfortable, or for sexual foreplay. Wearing a diaper does not automatically mean you want to act and be treated as an infant.

   • DLs who do enjoy acting like an adult baby (AB) are referred to as AB/DLs or ABDLs.

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   Understand that some diaper wearers enjoy diapers for sexual reasons. People enjoy many types of sexual objects and practices, ranging from leather and rubber, to more unique practices, like wearing clothes of the opposite sex. Given that diapers are soft, sometimes warm, and positioned right next to the sex organs, it would be surprising if they did not trigger sexual feelings in some people.

2. See Also

   Smart Diapers Market by Technology, End-User, Distribution ChannelManaging Incontinence: 10 Tips for Adults Wearing Diapers - Absorba NateenA Guide to Adult Diapers Used in Hospitals | BlogsWearing Diapers For Convenience - A Beginner’s Guide

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   Recognize fetishism. Some people enjoy wearing diapers as part of a fetish called autonepiophilia, or Adult Baby Syndrome. These people derive sexual pleasure out of acting as a baby and being treated like an infant. Using a diaper is not a medical or physical necessity, but a desire that is consistent with the lifestyle.^[6]

   • Adult babies may enjoy playing with baby toys, talking like a baby, being cared for, and engaging in baby activities. As with all fetishes, behaviors vary quite a bit from person to person.
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   Accept that many diaper lovers are in relationships. Many adults with interests in infant behavior and/or diapering tend to be in relationships, and partners are aware of the behaviors. Wearing a diaper can be a part of arousal, foreplay, or sexual activity.^[7]

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   Know that diaper lovers are not pedophiles. Pedophilia involves fantasy or sexual activity with a prepubescent child.^[8] Individuals that practice wearing diapers for pleasure are typically adults who like to role play as infants. They tend to be physically mature adults.

   • Like other role playing scenarios, those that role play as aliens are not aliens. It does not mean that the individual would actually like to be or be with an alien.

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   Ask a diaper lover to explain the situation to you. Instead of treating diaper wearing as taboo, approach the diaper wearing with an open mindset. If you have questions about wearing diapers, ask. If someone discloses that they enjoy wearing diapers, they may feel comfortable talking about their experience and explaining it to you. However, bear in mind they may be reluctant to do this unless they trust you a great deal.

   • As with all personal questions, be respectful when inquiring about this behavior.
   • Let them know that they are important and supported.
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   Accept the diaper wearing. If the diaper wearer is someone who is in your life, learn to accept the diaper wearing behavior, even if you do not understand it. Realize that you likely have different quirks about yourself and recognize how nice it feels for those to be accepted by others.

   • If someone discloses that they are a diaper wearer, recognize they may feel nervous or ashamed to disclose that information to you. Recognize how difficult it is to have a personal secret, and how important it is to feel accepted for your secrets.^[9]
   • Learn to accept the diaper wearer from a non-judgmental standpoint, recognizing that it’s okay if someone wants to express themself in a non-traditional way, even if you don’t understand it.
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   Accept the individual. Even if you do not understand the practices of being a diaper lover, learn to accept the person as a person. While you may find wearing a diaper strange, learn to accept that each person has unique differences. Wearing a diaper may feel like a huge difference between you two, but focus on similarities that you share.^[10]

   • Learn to see past the diaper wearing and appreciate the person for who they are.
   • Show the individual that you see past the diaper wearing and appreciate and accept them on a personal level. They experience pain, joy, sadness, and anger just like everybody else. You can have a normal relationship with a diaper lover.

   

   Show vulnerability to build trust. "I am a crossdresser and diaper lover. This article gives insight into what it takes to entrust someone with knowledge of private fetishes. I’ve only trusted a very few people in my life to know about these parts of myself. After reading this article and wanting to for years, I finally worked up the courage to tell my mom that I like to wear diapers. She responded so supportively, telling me she accepts me and is okay with me wearing diapers openly at home. Her reaction made me feel truly loved and supported." - Angie N.

   Find acceptance from loved ones. "I am a diaper lover for many reasons. I started wearing diapers due to wetting the bed at age 35. To keep my bed dry, I began wearing diapers to sleep. As a result, I really enjoyed wearing them, and it became a way of life. For me, it’s partly sexual, but I mostly just love how diapers make me feel secure, and I get a thrill wearing them discreetly under my clothes. After reading this article, I worked up the nerve to tell my mom about my diaper-wearing. She was very understanding and told me she supports and accepts this part of me. Her acceptance was incredibly meaningful." - John L.

   Appreciate diversity and self-acceptance. "I am a proud diaper lover. I love the crinkly sound they make when I walk and how snuggly soft they feel. Wearing diapers makes me feel safe, protected, different, and perfectly myself. I’m very lucky to live in a country that celebrates diversity. This article helped me accept myself and take pride in who I am." - Ricky S.

   Gain insight and understanding. "As a diaper lover, I found this to be the first informative, non-judgmental piece written about my community. It was so refreshing to read something that helps people understand, not shame, diaper lovers. The author clearly took time to research this kink and wrote about it in an intellectual way. Articles like this promote acceptance of diversity. I appreciated this thoughtful perspective." - Trent L.

   We want to hear from you! Advice from our readers makes our articles better. If you have a story you’d like to share, tell us here.

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